i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
