I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize