No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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