This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
