Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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