why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
