and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
