i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
