Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
