Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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