so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
