i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
