I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
