And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
