i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
