in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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