i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
