he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
