dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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