if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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