Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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