the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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