You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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