my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
