i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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