You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
