; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
