his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
