Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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