Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
