my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
