Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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