So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
