is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
