I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
