they need to just BURY HIM!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
