If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
