don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
