if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
