idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
