i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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