Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
