when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
