Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
