In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
