Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
