in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
