dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Operation Purity has been aborted
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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