everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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