The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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