Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
