she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
