so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
