He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
