there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
