I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
