I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
