I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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