he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
