Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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