Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
